I am curious...when the topic of money comes up, do you 'space out', feel defensive, get distracted, suddenly need to take a nap, take 'flight' or some other interesting response?
Or maybe it isn't the 'everyday' topic of money... but it comes up when you think about asking for a raise, increasing your rates, finalizing your will. Doing taxes. Getting life insurance.
Each and every one of these 'topics' can be an alarm to our nervous system - triggering a fight response (defensiveness...). Or a flight response (actually "taking flight" or through distraction - suddenly needing to respond to your aunt's email about the family reunion happening....next year). And for some, it looks like a shut down response (yawning, wanting to lay down for a nap, 'spacing out'). AND they are all normal physiological, unconscious responses to something 'threatening'... normal, but not necessarily helpful.
The nervous system fascinates me - personally, and professionally.
Tanya and I created the Yoga +...
Is your inbox as full as mine? Black Friday! Cyber Monday! Giving Tuesday!
And so here we are... fully immersed in the holiday season before we have even turned the calendar to December.
I won't lie. It all makes me tired. It is a quick pull away from this moment - a grounded sense of enough. Of plenty. It reminds me just how quickly we can get pulled off center.
It isn't necessarily negative - so much that is being offered is lovely, worthy, helpful, and fun! It is just that there is an incessant pace to all of it at this time of year. This is the first ingredient of the storm.
It is the season of over-spending, over-eating, over-drinking, over-committing, general over-indulging. Each one of these has an effect on your financial wellbeing. Combined, it creates a bit of internal chaos.
This time of year also holds emotional highs and lows - for many of us this time is laced with sorrow or nostalgia for what was, or isn't. This is another layer of the storm - and...
Do YOU run from money??
“Oh no, not me, [you say] – I love money!”
But perhaps the answer isn’t so simple. You see, sometimes we turn our backs when things get hard – when things aren’t quite as easy, or nearly as pleasant, as we would like. [Ahem]
Being in a relationship with money requires we are there, for better or worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health.
Which is work. And it’s HARD. And it makes any of the below really, really difficult to face:
Those unopened bills oppressing you daily with their very presence on the counter…
The student loan debt that you just can’t bear to look at – the balance unrecognizable from the amount you borrowed in the first place…
The dread of speaking to your accountant and finally knowing the amount you owe for last year’s taxes (so you just forget to return their calls and miss some critical...
I have Virgo in my chart, so this time of year always feels like a refreshing return to Order & Routine - aka, a giant sigh of relief pour moi! The back to school supplies definitely add to my mood - sharpened pencils, fresh notebooks - a fresh start that all of us (in this country, anyway) have in our bones, like it or not.
But when you think of allllllll the classes you attended over alllllll the school years, was even ONE of them about money??? About the practical nuts and bolts? (if you were lucky you learned how to balance a checkbook). How about addressing the emotional aspects of money?? I would like to think that there is at least *one* person somewhere who was lucky enough to receive guidance about the emotional side of money in school, but I know there probably isn't a single one.
We teach sex education (poorly in most cases, but at least it is taught), so why not personal finance? Why is this? Why has this virtually disappeared from the curriculum, when...
There are financial costs to not getting our money house in order. There are also huge emotional costs.
We spend a tremendous amount of mental and emotional energy worrying. Regretting. Fearing. Projecting. Beating ourselves up - further depleting our confidence in this one area of our life.
You see...When you feel uncomfortable about the state of your finances, it may be hard to be present with your spouse, your family, or to get a good night’s sleep. Because as soon as you slow down, the shame creeps in.
In your mind there is often a voice that says: “you are not good with money, you should know better! Why can’t you get a handle on this?” Oh, that voice….
I know that voice.
I know intimately how high the tangible and intangible costs are because I paid them myself – for years. I spent many nights when my girls were little, clenching my teeth with financial anxiety.
It was at this...