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Personal Finance Mentoring - Integrating the practical and emotional elements of your money.

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Do you RUN from Money?

Megan deBoer

Do YOU run from money??

Oh no, not me, [you say] – I love money!”

But perhaps the answer isn’t so simple. You see, sometimes we turn our backs when things get hard – when things aren’t quite as easy, or nearly as pleasant, as we would like. [Ahem]

Being in a  r – e – l – a –t – i – o – n – s – h – i – p  with money requires we are there, for better or worse. For richer, for poorerIn sickness and in health. 

Which is work. And it’s HARD. And make any of the following really, really difficult to face: 

  • Those unopened bills oppressing you daily with their very presence on the counter…
  • The student loan debt that you just can’t bear to look at – the balance unrecognizable from the amount you borrowed in the first place…
  • The dread of speaking to your accountant and finally knowing the amount you owe for last year’s taxes (so you just forget to return their calls and miss some critical deadlines…)
  • A customer - or client - or boss - or family member - who owes YOU money but you keep not bringing it up because you don't want them to think you are _______ (fill in your own blank)...

Can you relate? Maybe you have a different list. But I imagine it has the same flavor.

Avoidance is the external symptom of our nervous system’s response to FEAR. FLIGHT & FREEZE are the strategy. Avoidance. Paralysis. And yes, RUNNING away. Get to know these ‘helpers’ of yours. When do they show up in your world? (it helps to start getting curious, so simply pay attention and observe...)

They are actually “brilliant” and sneaky survival responses - but that doesn’t mean they are doing you any favors! As for helping you survive? I would bet that your unconscious has you doing all matter of crazy, illogical things in the name of 'safety'. 

But none of those things leave you feeling peaceful. They likely leave you with either low grade anxiety, hopelessness, or full-on shame and despair.

Each of these states have you - yes you! – running from money. We alldo it to some degree. In my experience it is the brave, courageous, conscious act of turning TOWARDS what we fear that also allows us to run towards money… yes, the ‘for BETTER’ ‘for RICHER’ and HEALTH part of the relationship we ALL want. 

It doesn’t have to mean agony… it doesn’t have to be a life sentence of torture. All that is required is a willingness to brave what we fear. To stare it straight in the eyes, even when it terrifies us. SO THAT WE MOVE TO THE OTHER SIDE.

Because this is what I know to be true: we cannot have one without the other

We can’t have a peaceful relationship with money until we confront the fear. 

When we avoid the darkness the light is suppressed in there too. Always. 

I have sat with many clients as we open months of unopened bills (which is symbolic of anything being avoided, really…). There is always a good deal of brow-sweat, shortness of breath, and tears… 

But you know what else there is?

As if by magic, we find LIGHT in that darkness: the amounts due are inevitably smaller than their mind had assumed. 

Sometimes there has actually been a statement of a CREDIT! Sometimes an actual CHECK that is about to expire!! 

Even if there isn’t money in an envelope, the reward is always CLARITY. RELIEF. EMPOWERMENT – the truth really does set us free.

And THAT, my friends, leads to a balanced relationship with money – a true partnership with money….The good along with the hard - the challenging along with the beautiful.

Run towards money in its completeness… because it is always BOTH / AND. 

Money is inherently dynamic, asking YOU to be engaged, to dance with the entire range and find the beauty you can create together from here forward, COME WHAT MAY. It is a relationship that – unlike some others! – really will last a lifetime, like it or not.

So, are YOU running away from money right now? How is your “relationship” with money? The good parts, the hard parts?

 

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